


This Isn't the Test You Think It Is

by elaine_ascolat



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Because I didn't think the reasons made sense, But it was a good try, Eggsy's a bit talkative, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Harry Lives, I Don't Even Know, Post-Canon, Shoot the Dog, because Eggsy, but really that's only because Harry's alive, very very mild swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 05:24:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3838717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elaine_ascolat/pseuds/elaine_ascolat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or: Why Eggsy thinks the 'shoot the dog' test is a load of tripe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Isn't the Test You Think It Is

**Author's Note:**

> It bothered me that Roxy and Eggsy were asked to shoot the dog and actually doing so was “passing” when, after Eggsy wouldn’t and got sent home, Harry said “A Kingsman only condones the risking of a life to save another.” 
> 
> That, to me, makes the so-called “dog test” a load of crap because they’re simply told to “shoot the dog”. They aren’t given a set-up where shooting the dog will save a life or prevent the death of someone. Therefore, it just looks like a test of ‘will you follow orders, even those that ask you to kill someone/something you care about just because it’s an order?’ 
> 
> While I know that originally the filmmakers were going to insinuate that the shot *does* actually kill the dog and they decided not to go that route as they were concerned about an outcry over condoning animal cruelty which lead to the Mr. Pickle scene, I think that was a poor way of testing what Harry implied they were. So I wrote this.

Eggsy was staring hard at one of the paintings of a founder Kingsman with a frown on his face as the low murmur of conversation of his fellow agents flowed around him. He’d been a member of the table for four years and had gained the respect of all of them—some grudgingly so, but nonetheless, he had it. It had been a little longer than that since he, Merlin and Roxy aka Lancelot had flown to Kentucky after defeating Valentine to retrieve Harry Hart’s body—since the possibility actually existed, unlike many other times—only to discover that the man was miraculously alive, if in a coma at a hospital near the church. 

He’d been unconscious for nearly two months, then in rehab for nearly a year after that. But he’d lived and with relatively minimal damage. He’d lost part of his left ear and had poor peripheral vision in his left eye as well as sporting a rather large scar from the corner of his eye around the side of his head from where the glasses had shattered and the bullet had left a deep graze. A year, three months and eleven days after ‘V-day’, Harry Hart had taken the mantle of Arthur. Eggsy, who had been given a seat at the table and was operating under the temporary handle of ‘Excalibur’, had been officially inducted as ‘Galahad’ the same day. The new Arthur had changed certain things about Kingsman. One of them being that at least once yearly, but preferably twice, all of the Knights, or at least as many as weren’t on active, long-term or undercover ops, were to report to London HQ for several ‘team building’ exercises over several days, lasting up to a week. Harry had hoped to create stronger bonds so that the possibility of another Chester King was remote. Knowing your fellows was a start. Or so he hoped.

Bors had announced his intention to retire—he was getting older, had a wife, children and grandchildren he wanted to spend time with. It was unusual for a Knight to actually, honestly retire. Those that did were often kept on payroll as a consultant. But this was the first time in nearly forty years that anyone was choosing to do so. Arthur had decided that each Knight’s proposal would need to report to HQ in a month. That gave them three weeks after the week-long team building to find someone.

It was Percival who noticed Eggsy’s intense study of the portrait, “Founder Kingsman,” he murmured to the young man, thinking Eggsy didn’t know that.

Eggsy nodded, “I know. Chester told me. ‘S what gave me time to switch the brandy glasses. That’s not what I’m thinkin’ about.”

“Oh?”

Eggsy shook his head, “No. I was just thinkin’ about that ‘shoot the dog’ test. Wonderin’ when it was instituted. If them as founded Kingsman made it up or what.”

The other conversations at the table went quiet as Eggsy’s curiosity was voiced. Bors spoke up, “No, it wasn’t originally part of the testing. I think it was instituted just after World War Two.”

Merlin nodded, “Nineteen-Forty-Seven.”

“Why so curious about it, Galahad?” Sagramore asked.

“The final two proposals to take Bors’s spot will have to do it, yeah?” Eggsy asked.

“It is customary,” Arthur agreed, studying his protégé.

“I’d like to point out it’s an utter shit test. I mean, really, it don’t test what you think you’re testing,” Eggsy threw out casually. Though he’d become more comfortable with the ways and speech of the rest of the Knights, could behave and speak just as properly after four years, his roots still showed a bit occasionally, his old accent leaking through when he was relaxed or with his family and friends from his old neighborhood.

“What do you mean, Galahad?” Merlin asked. Everyone was mildly surprised at Galahad’s daring, some with slightly disapproving frowns at the newest at the table, the only one to not pass that particular test, questioning it.

“Well, see, after I didn’t do it and stole Chester’s car and Ha-Arthur stopped me from doin’ something stupid, he told me that it was about testing limits, yeah? That ‘a Kingsman only condones the risking of a life to save another.’ Which I get. Testing limits is definitely needed. It has to be found out what the proposals are made of, so to speak. But, if a Kingsman only condones risking or taking a life to save another, how does me—or anyone else—shooting the dog they’ve raised from a pup prove that? I know they’re blanks—now. I didn’t then. I sat there thinkin’ that if I pulled the trigger I’d be killing the dog I’d raised from a puppy. And for what? Because I was told? Because it was an order? To get a job?” Eggsy shook his head.

“But that didn’t make sense. Through all the training, yeah, we were taught to follow orders and instructions and whatever, but most of the time it was about thinkin’ for ourselves. Analyzing a situation, coming up with solutions under pressure that wouldn’t get us—or anyone else—killed, unless that was the mission, right? Because assassinating a drug lord or terrorist isn’t the same as shooting a dog. Unless that dog’s rabid or something. It wasn’t ‘Shoot the dog or someone dies.’ It wasn’t ‘shoot the dog or a bomb goes off.’ It wasn’t even ‘Shoot the dog or you die.’ It was just ‘shoot the dog.’ A dog that was loyal, wasn’t injured so bad that putting him down would be mercy, wasn’t sick or dangerous.” 

He looked at each of them, a thoughtful frown on his face, “Shooting the dog just because you’re ordered to only proves that you can kill without question. It only proves that you don’t need to worry about protecting innocent life when you choose to kill. After all that training to make sure we could think for ourselves, would always choose something other than killing where we could and a recruit is asked to dismiss the idea that killing, that taking life is only a last resort and kill something that’s not only defenseless and dependent on the recruit, but that the recruit raised, cared for and cares about…Shooting the dog only proves that they can follow orders, which seems to be well-tested by other tasks. It doesn’t test that they’re able to make the hard choice between something or someone they love and the greater good or even saving someone or something else.”

Eggsy tipped his head slightly, “Conversely, not shooting the dog doesn’t mean a recruit can’t get the priorities straight. Just because I couldn’t shoot my dog, doesn’t mean that if it’d come down to killing anyone else—even my own mum or sister—or let the world go to shit from a bomb or Valentine or whatever that I would’ve let it all go to hell to save them. I’d try everything else I could, of course. But if it was shoot the dog or Valentine will unleash his signal, I would’ve shot the dog without blinking, blanks or not. Doesn’t mean that any other recruit that’s washed out over that test didn’t have the balls to do what needed to be done. Just means they won’t shoot an innocent creature because they were ordered to with no good reason why. Not even a shitty reason why. Just an order. But that’s not what Kingsman is—orders without reasons, without justification. Any time since that where I’ve been ordered to take a life, it’s always either been completely obvious why like with a drug lord or terrorist or there’s solid intel that’s shared what shows that letting that person live will cause damage.”

He shrugged a bit with a sigh, “So yeah. I think the ‘dog test’ is a load of bollocks and doesn’t actually test anything except whether someone can kill, can murder an innocent creature without question or reason or justification. Soldiers only need the order. But Kingsman agents ain’t soldiers.”

Several of the agents looked mildly chastened or startled at the unwaveringly scathing, but politely offered perspective.

After a long moment of stunned silence, Arthur spoke up, “And what would you propose, Galahad?”

“I dunno. Just, if you’re gonna keep that damned test, fix it. Make it a puzzle, make it a choice. Make it hard—the dog or a family member, the dog or a bomb goes off in a school or a Tube station, the dog or something will go to shit. Like the train, yeah? Talk or don’t talk. If you talk, it’s insinuated you’ll get cut free and get to live. Your life or giving up what you know about Kingsman. That is an actual test—even though there’s not really risk of dying I’d wager most candidates don’t know that—I didn’t and I doubt Charlie or Roxy did either. The ‘dog test’ should be more of the same but instead of losing your own life, can you take the life of someone or something you love, someone or something innocent, to prevent worse. By that point, it’s established that they’ll follow orders, even dangerous or distasteful ones. It’s established that they’ll risk their own life for Kingsman, for the safety of others. You were trying to test if they’d risk what they care about for Kingsman, for the safety of others, for the greater good. But it doesn’t do that. Not really, not properly. Fix it. ‘S not like there aren’t the resources to pull off something elaborate.”

Merlin studied him thoughtfully, “Hmm. It definitely bears some thought. If the test is flawed and isn’t actually testing what we want, it should be discontinued or modified. I can certainly see your point, Galahad.”

“I reluctantly must agree with Galahad,” Ector concurred, “We were well aware that the test was designed to see if the candidates could overcome sentimentality to serve the greater good despite personal attachment, yet the young man is right. Kingsman agents are not soldiers to follow orders without intel. We are problem solvers. We function best with more information, not less. Once at the table, none of us would blindly obey a kill order without the reasoning behind it. Perhaps a reevaluation of that particular test is in order, if for no other reason than to confirm it is, in fact, achieving what we want it to.”

Lancelot looked around the table before speaking evenly, “As one who, relatively recently, completed that test, I have to agree with Galahad’s interpretation. I didn’t see it as overcoming personal attachment or sentimentality to achieve a greater good. I assumed it was testing my ability to follow orders without question. Even as I pulled the trigger I wondered what the point was of having me raise a dog and become attached to it, only to kill it. That it was a blank did not negate the disgust part of me felt at myself at the thought of killing an unarmed animal that depended on me when I pulled the trigger. The relief…when it was a blank and I wasn’t someone who would kill an innocent just to follow orders…I honestly thought I’d failed for a moment—that I was supposed to disobey the order. In that, Galahad has my respect. All of us are too aware of what history has shown us comes of people who simply follow orders to kill without question. If it’s the ability to overcome sentimentality and personal attachment to serve a greater good that was supposed to be tested when I shot my dog…that’s not what I felt tested on.”

Arthur looked around the table and finally settled on Merlin, “Well, Merlin, it seems we have a test to reevaluate and modify before the new class.”

“Indeed, Arthur,” Merlin agreed.


End file.
